This Is No Joke!

Ok, so I know it's April fools day and everything. I actually didn't even realize it was April fools day until 8:45pm tonight. I had no time to actually play any pranks or jokes on anyone. I was talking with my mom and asked her the usual question, "So, what's on TV?" I ask this, not because I want to know, but because I know they watch TV every night, multiple shows and they tape other shows while they are watching the shows they are watching because they watch so many shows. A few years ago, I stopped watching TV because there was literally nothing on. Unless you liked reality TV and I'm not that big a fan except for American Idol. Now, that is quite a show. The talent that show has unveiled is unbelieveable. But I digress. In the year or so, I have started to watch some programs. Lost, American Idol, and Heros. Heros is now on Hiatis. They start back up again on April 22nd, which is what my mom brought up to me and I was like, "Well, that's pretty far away, it's not even April yet." and she said, "Yes, it is it's April 1st!" and I said, "It's April fools day? I didn't even get to fool anyone." So, I quickly said, "Did I tell you I won the lottery?" and she said, "NO!" and I replied, "APRIL FOOLS!" I think she actually believed me. At least she acted like she did. Maybe she was just trying to make me feel better.

But all of this is not the big news. The big news is that I have an idea for a killer app. (killer application), really big, huge and I am so excited about it. The only thing I need is a shitload of money. I am telling you that this application will be as big if not bigger than GOOGLE itself. The problem is I can't tell anyone. I've only told one person the complete idea.

A Great Lady

This morning I got a call from my mom, and I knew what she was going to say before she could let it out. She told me that my Aunt Bobbie, her sister, passed away. We all knew it was coming. She had cancer and this was not the first time. I think the first occurrence was 15 years ago. She was in remission for several years but she fell sick back in June and it turned out she had cancer in her lung. It has been a rough go since June, in and out of the hospital, she was so weak. She really tried her best to hang on. She even went through the Chemo and Radiation treatments again, but it just made her all the more weak. I think she was thinking that if she did that it would bring her back like it did so many years ago, but instead it took her.

My Aunt Bobbie was a great lady. She really cared about everyone in the family and she had this way of making you feel so special. At least, that is how she made me feel. When she would hug me she would squeeze me so tight and her long red fingernails would lightly scratch my arm. I could feel the love force run through me.

Aunt Bobbie left behind her husband, who she married when she was 17 years old, her son and daughter, Jay and Wendi, and her grandchildren, Stephi, Matt, Amy Kait, Ava, and Scott.

It was only a little over a year since my grandmother died, her mother. I started to think about the dreams I had about my grandmother. The first one where my aunt and my mother were there. They both got cancer after that dream. I'm wondering if my grandmother was coming for my aunt? Maybe it was just a coincidence? I certainly don't want to have those kind of premonitions. I would much rather predict the next lottery drawling than the deaths of my family members.

It was weird, the other night my aunt got up and started talking to people who weren't there. I spoke to my friend Tracy who recently lost her father to cancer and she said he saw dead people just before he was going to die. My mom then told me that my grandmother had the same experience. She saw my grandfather and her mother. Do your dead relatives come to greet you when you are just about to go? To let you know that it's ok? I guess that must be comforting to them but it sure scares the living daylights out of me. (no pun intended)

When I lost my grandmother that was so hard. She was 90 years old, but she was a young 90. I spoke to her almost every day. She loved to hear what was going on in my life. I guess she wasn't able to go and do like she used to and so she took pleasure in my stories. I didn't talk to my aunt everyday, but when we did we had a bond that was so strong. I love her, and will miss her very much.

Mean Old Lady

I feel a little ashamed to say this, but I had a run in with an old lady at the supermarket. I mean, you're supposed to respect your elders. Right? I guess she caught me on a bad day.

I was minding my own business, pushing my cart along when I noticed some rolls that were half price. I had walked past them, and thought I should go back and get some of those rolls. So I walked back a little and there she was in her Kmart polyester best. Scarf wrapped around her head to hide the straggly strands of grey matter that she came to know as her hair. She shot me a snare. Then she said in a tone that was so mean, so nasty, "Can you move your cart out of the way so I can get through?" I looked back at her with a shocked look on my face like no you din't!
She said, "That's right" And then I said, "I just picked up some rolls" She looked at me and just when I thought she couldn't get any nastier she blurted out, "Too bad!" That was it, I lost it. I said, "You're obnoxious!" and I didn't stop at that, "You nasty old woman!" I then went off in a different direction, down the oral hygiene aisle to pick up some mouth wash, but the entire time I was thinking I should go back, I should get in front of her again and just block her on purpose. I raced around the market looking for her, I went up the condiment isle, I raced down the frozen food section, but she was gone. It was as if she just disappeared. I finally gave up and went to the checkout.

When I reached home I was thinking that I should feel bad about talking back to the old lady, about calling her an obnoxious, nasty old woman, but I didn't. The only lesson I learned that day was to never buy rolls on sale!

Visits From My Grandmother

Next month it will be a year since my grandmother passed. The unveiling is set for November 5th and we have a lunch gathering at my cousin's house afterwards. I have seen my grandmother a couple of times now since she passed away. She has come in my dreams twice now. The first time was in the Spring. It was kind of odd actually. In my dream I was in Paris, in a hotel. The door was open and there was a big spiral staircase in plain view. First I saw my mother and my grandmother (who we called Mom Mom Mary) and then coming in the opposite direction up the stairs was my Aunt and another Mom Mom Mary. When the passed each other the one said, "Hi Mom Mom Mary" and the other one smiled and said, "Hi Mom Mom Mary." I then said to my mother, "Why are there two Mom Moms?" I don't remember if she answered me. They were both wearing identical tracksuits. The weird thing was that after that dream my Aunt fell sick. She had what they thought was an infection in her heart. It turned out she had cancer in her lung which was causing fluid to build up in her heart. It took them a while to figure this out. She had had issues with cancer in the past, but had not had an occurrence in years. Then over the summer, my mother was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I'm very worried about her because she doesn't give the whole picture. She glosses things over so people don't worry, but I worry anyway.

The other night I had a dream that I had cancer. I had three brown patches on my chest and everyone was telling me that it was really going to hurt when they removed it and it was going to leave a big scar. Then my grandmother came and she was again wearing a track suit, and she said, "The only way to make sure it's benign is to change your name to Mary." Then I woke up. My grandmother's name was Mary.

Movie Night

Tonight was movie night. I went out with two girlfriends and we saw The Last Kiss.
It was very good, but hauntingly real. It was hard to watch at times. I was proud of myself that I didn't cry, but I almost did a few times. I love movies that force you to examine your life, your relationships. Sometimes we just go through the motions and we are so wrapped up in the day to day that we don't stop, take a few steps back, take it all in and see the big picture. This movie was that kind of movie. One that made your eyes so wide, wider than you thought they could ever open. I felt for a moment, that could of been me. I could have been the one who was cheated on or I could have been the cheater. I felt that stabbing pain in my heart when I was betrayed and I have felt the guilt, panic, fear, and remorse for having an affair. But this movie did more than conjure up some empathetic personal experiences, it wasn't about me, it was about everyone. We are all so vulnerable. You think you know someone, you think you know yourself, and then you are tested. You make a choice and then you have to live with that choice.

Gone, Gone, Gone, You've Been Gone So Long....

Were you wondering if I was ever gone to post again. Or did you completely give up on me? Tonight I was planning on getting to bed early. I've been waking up at the crack of ass for the past few days and I feel really tired, but I can't sleep. I've been thinking about blogging, and my blog friends. Sorry I haven't been around. I can't say that I was doing anything spectacular. Started a new work venture. That has been hogging a lot of my time. I took the kids to Williamsburg, VA. That was a whole lot of fun. Great place, I highly recommend it.

I've been working from home and I think it is making me a little depressed. The thing about working from home is you never leave work. People think, oh you're working from home, you must have so much free time. This is not true, for me anyway.
So, I think I'm depressed because I am cooped up all day and I am not interacting with people. I wake up and start my laptop up and I'm working. Before I know it, it's noon and I haven't showered yet. When I went to drop off my cleaning yesterday, the woman asked, "When would you like to pick these up?" I replied, "What's today?" She looked at me funny. The other thing is people get the work at home mom, confused with the stay at home mom. I think that's what dry cleaner lady was thinking. Must be nice, stay at home mom, doesn't even have to remember what day it is.

Having said that, I'd rather be a work at home mom instead of a stay at home mom. I tried the latter and it was not for me. I have to work. I started my new business the day after I quit my job. So that's good. I have that going for me, which is nice. But I smell. I smell bad. Almost skunk like. I honestly can't remember when I showered last. I think it was Monday. Ok, I gotta go take a shower. This is ridiculous.

Yes I did!

I did it! I quit my job! On Thursday, June 8th at 8:00am. I sent an email with the Subject: Resignation. It was short, to the point and reluctantly I even added some flattery at the end. I know, but I didn't want to burn the bridge. My boss (not the perv who sexually harassed me - the other one) sent me an email back stating that he was sad to see me go but that he understood and that he would like to meet up to discuss the details. I met him for lunch that same day and we had a good discussion. He started asking me all these questions about what is the one thing that I would change about the company, where did I see the company evolving next, who did I think the weakest link was??? After the third question I asked him, "Are you paying me for this lunch?" He laughed. He asked me to come back to the office and give a speech. I followed him back to the office and once I reached he gave me a temporary password to my old computer so that I could send out an email to everyone in the office letting them know that I was leaving and to meet in the conference room in 10 minutes. I went around and said my goodbyes.